15 Oktober word wêreldwyd erken as 'n dag waarop ons die lewens onthou van babas wat gesterf het gedurende swangerskap, tydens geboorte of kort na geboorte.  Dit is ook 'n dag om bewusmaking te skep en dialoog te bevorder rondom mense wat deur swangerskap- en babaverlies geraak is en hoe hulle gehelp kan word.  

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Op 'n globale vlak, moet gesondheidsprogramme en doelwitte vir moeders onder volhoubare ontwikkeling doelstellings verder verbreed word, as net om 'n veilige geboorte en versorging van neonatale te verseker. Dit moet vrouens en hulle metgeselle insluit wat nie 'n lewendige, gesonde baba gehad het as uitkoms nie.  Moedergesondheid moet ook gaan oor die versorging van ouers wat babas verloor het en nie net oor moeders en babas met 'n positiewe uitkoms nie.  Op 'n individuele vlak moet vriende en familie bewus gemaak en toegerus word om daar te wees vir ouers in rou oor hulle babaverlies om hulle verlies behoorlik te erken.  Meer publieke opvoeding is nodig om swangerskap- en babaverlies te destigmatiseer sodat ouers hulleself nie skaam of blameer vir onbeheerbare, biologiese redes rondom hierdie verliese nie. Om 15 Oktober te herdenk is deel van hierdie opvoeding.

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Hierdie stuk is geskryf om te probeer beskryf hoe dit voel om aan die Baba Verlies Klub te behoort:

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WHAT IS 'THE BABY LOSS CLUB'?​

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The Baby Loss Club is not for the fainthearted. It is a club with non-negotiable terms and lifelong membership and no benefits. A club that nobody wants to join. Ever.

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It is a million ‘what ifs’ in one thought. 

It is forever searching in a crowd for a child that you know you will never find.

It is an emptiness that you can’t explain and a dull ache in your heart – even when there’s a smile on your lips.

It’s remembering dates when no one else does.

It’s saying your child’s name (or children’s names) softly to yourself because you dare not speak it out loud.

It is daydreams and night terrors.

It’s infinite sadness and indescribable thankfulness for the fleeting moments of the promise of a child.

It’s the hope that there is a ‘someday’ and the utter dread that there isn’t.

It’s the smiling and laughing and never-ending nodding to friends and family when they gurgle about their children.

It’s heart-wrenching sobs in the deep of the night, silenced by the pillow you use to try and suffocate the horrible sounds escaping from your soul.

It’s turning around in shopping aisles and walking in a different direction when your feet takes you to the ‘all things baby’ aisle for the umpteenth time.

It’s trying to explain to strangers that yes, you have a child, but no, you don’t have pictures of how they look now. It is the ever-present dull ache of what could have been.

It’s the all-consuming anger and relentless exasperation at people who can’t or won’t understand – and the forgiveness of those who do, but who still hurts your heart without realizing it.

It’s trying not to think about know-it-all people with thoughtless and empty words minimizing your unremitting pain.

It’s birthdays, and mother’s day and holidays and Easter and every celebratory day in between that you don’t feel like celebrating at all.

It’s looking for a child that looks like you, that you know isn’t there.

It’s driving in your car and sometimes skipping a traffic light or taking the wrong turn because your thoughts have been captured by someone who isn’t on this earth.

It’s dreams made of feathers and butterflies and snowflakes and bubbles and dead babies. Overwhelming dreams that you cannot share with another living soul.

It is lonely. Desperate, soul-aching, desolate loneliness that slowly carves away at your soul while you are surrounded by people.

It’s the never knowing, the always wondering, the regret, the anguish, the tears, the sadness, the emptiness, the darkness, the cruelty, the jealousy, the madness, the pain, the not-understanding, the questions, the regret, the soul-searching…

It is the all-consuming, never-ending conundrum that is child loss.

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My beautiful pain that I will carry with me until I die.

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Nicci Coertze