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10 August 2020

Updated: Sep 22, 2020

I am 48 years old today. Turning 48 is a little weird. This may be true of all ages past 18, but I've never considered it until now. Eight years past, "Holy &#@&, I'm 40" and two years away from, "Is it possible I am 50?", 48 feels a little bit old and quite young at the same time. On the one hand, I'm on the brink of completing a rather tumultuous but worthwhile shift of faith and life that involves new directions, new friends and new adventures. I am grateful for (so far so) good health this year, great kids (with awesome girlfriends,) good friends and someone who loves me when I'm not loveable, as well as a growing sense that I can allow myself to accept that my body, my face and my outlook are changing in response to enduring more than four decades on the planet. Admittedly, some days are better than others, and my acceptance of the inevitability of growing older comes and goes. But as I grow spiritually I realise that the most important 'someone' in my life is God. And that one day is like a thousand years to Him and a thousand years are like one day. So why should I then fret over turning 48 today?

1. I'm not sure I feel 48, though I'm not sure what 48 is supposed to feel like. My spirit feels younger, super young actually - like I'm in the wrong body. People tell me I don't look my age, but that can also be because I don't act my age - and that can either be very good or very bad...

2. When someone asks what I want for my birthday I usually answer that question with "nothing." There's really nothing I am coveting. A few things I would enjoy yes, but I'm far more interested in sincere well wishes than 'things.'

3. OK, if I have to name something, I'd say a massage. Or a mani-pedi. It feels great, the effect lasts a while and doesn't have to be stored or dusted. Or a new car. Or a motorcycle. Yes, a bike would be nice. Any one. And of course I will NEVER say no to jewellary - ANY jewellary. (Thank you Kevin, Georgia and Christo.)

4. It's much better when your birthday falls just after payday instead of just before. But I can wait to celebrate in-between or at the end of the month too! I'm flexible that way

5. Being wished a happy birthday still feels good - after all these years. Every time there is a card, note, letter, text, WhatsApp or Facebook message my heart smiles. I LOVE getting messages on my birthday.

6. I'm 48 and I'm having a mid-life hair crisis. Is there really any point to keep growing it out and then cutting it again? Can't I just cut it pixie style and KEEP it that way?

7. I now know at 48, that you cannot make people love you. You cannot even make them like you. People do as they please and if your self worth is determined by another human being's whimsical behaviour, belief system or thought patterns you are in for a rude awakening. So my advice as a 48 year old matriarch? (Now THAT word makes me feel old!!) Love yourself. Even if it feels like you're the only one doing so every now and then. It's ok.

8. You most certainly ARE as young as you feel!! I will continue to have fun, and dance with and have incredible enlightening conversations with people half my age, and I will continue to learn from them and be astounded at their wisdom and insight. I will also quietly listen to people older than me - try to learn from their mistakes and appreciate the way they look at things from an angle of wisdom that only age can bring. And most importantly: I will endeavour to always be the real, authentic Nicci. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. Regardless of whether people get offended by it or not. And if you ARE offended by me for whatever reason - take a number!

9. In my thirties I would walk into a room wondering if people would like me. Now I wonder if I will like them...

10. I love how comfortable I am in my 48-year old body. Like a pair of old jeans that is comfortable and familiar - yes it may have a few stains and it may be a bit worn out but the fact that it's faded makes it far more interesting than a pair of brand-new ones. At 48 it gives me great pleasure to say to friend and foe: I ain't done yet! Not even remotely. 18 'till I die baby!!! Watch this space...

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